Come Sail Away IC Inbox

[crushed_pearls]

Erin's voice mail message is in a weary voice: "Erin Peters. If you called in the middle of the night and I didn't answer, I'm dying. If I pick up and someone on your end isn't dying, they will be shortly. Text otherwise."

Comments

some point post feast.

[decrypter]

The ritual of talking with Erin in pajamas, discussing what's going on, is a comforting and fruitful one. How else is she to know the intricacies of the ship? How else would Erin know everything Helena heard? It is theirs, and it makes the time she spends in her own cabin a comforting and comfortable one.

Though when they hit a lull, Helena gathers her scraps of courage, thinks about the wreath of roses she came back from the feast wearing and their sweet scent.

"...There's something I've been meaning to voice to you for a little while, if you'll hear it."

If she puts herself on the spot, she can't escape.

[crushed_pearls]

Erin has suspicions, but she's not going to steal anyone's thunder by voicing them. Her answer to Helena is a wordless little 'hrmmmm?' of interest, her excitement only betrayed by the way her feet kick on her bed.

[decrypter]

She tries to say it, but the words catch in her throat once, twice, until she finally flops over on her back, addressing her words to the room as a whole instead of just Erin.

"...I kissed Darcy."

Why does saying the words aloud make her feel so shy, for goodness's sake - she knows Erin has heard and spoken of much more intimate things.

[crushed_pearls]

(I wonder if this is how Peter felt when we had beef with Ava.)

...Fuck if I know.

Out loud, teasing just faintly: "Bold move, Ms. Adams, to woo one's champion like that. However will the kingdom withstand the scandal of it all?"

[decrypter]

"Mmmph."

The wordless sound of dismay is enough to tell even the blind that Helena's beginning to fluster. Don't make her second guess trusting you with this.

"More like a mutual wooing, actually...I thought it was romantic enough, but you can't tell her I told you or I'll move out, I mean it."

[crushed_pearls]

"...Little bird, not to bring your mood down or anything but Darcy's on a pretty strict 'never talk to me again' policy with me and I'm decently certain she loathes that I breathe her air on this ship. You are in no danger of me telling her jack nor shit unless it's a genuine existential emergency."

There's...regret, there. Erin really wants to get on better with Darcy, but, well, here they are.

[decrypter]

"Oh. I'm sorry."

News aside, this does demand a moment of seriousness, and Helena sits back up. Should she move on now that they've addressed the subject, never discuss Darcy again, what does one do....

[crushed_pearls]

"I like her well enough. It's...fine. I made a serious mistake early on when I was...there's no excuse, but if Darcy doesn't want me to make amends I can't force her to accept them. I still wanna hear about this big moment in your life, little bird." There's a smile in Erin's voice as she continues: "Told you you'd fly high."

[decrypter]

"You sure I can't tempt you into a story and skillfully evade talking about myself again?"

At least she's self aware of the impulse.

[crushed_pearls]

"I hear there's this amazing one on offer about my tiny roommate experiencing romance with a fierce and noble lass that's a hell of a cook."

[decrypter]

"...Can you at least not laugh at me until I'm done telling my story?"

[crushed_pearls]

"Helena, my darling, to laugh at you would be to laugh at myself. Which is to say, no promises, but I've been there."

Repeatedly. And again on this ship. Several times.

She's a disaster.

[decrypter]

There's a hum of acceptance, and Helena leans back on her hands. She's surprised herself by how much she's wanted to tell someone, to share the joy that doesn't want to stay restrained to her journal pages. But perhaps this is part of it - wanting someone else who knows to know, so that she can hear a reply.

"I was helping her, before the joust. She doesn't know horses, but I know enough. And I thought that since we're already playacting, all dressed up like we're in an old story, it'd be right to give my chosen knight a favor."

Which would sound cheesy in someone else's hands, but she imbues the words with a fondness, a sincerity. Yes, they were playing make-believe, but they might as well not have been.

"She asked after if I'd kiss her for luck, and I told her that I'd kiss her if she won."

When she won. This might explain half of Darcy's desire to crush the joust. The other half was sheer stubbornness and the dreams of Being That Kind of Sword Guy.

"But even if she lost...I think I would have still."

[crushed_pearls]

"Christ, lass, but you'd be such a glorious menace in a proper Freehold." Erin sighs, wistfully. "...When did you realize you wanted to?"

[decrypter]

She has no idea what Erin means, which is probably for the best, because in the AU where Helena is Lost, she might figure it out and become that menace in full.

But. Anyway.

"Not too long after we started courting. It was something akin to...I'd been solving the code the whole time and not noticed until the last key was pressed, and I knew, but...I didn't know how to ask. And then things just kept happening and I still didn't know."

How to adjust to the idea of wanting and being wanted.

"I don't know how long I might have waited if the perfect excuse hadn't been there."

[crushed_pearls]

"Mmm..." It's an understanding, if wordless, noise. "Putting your heart on the table is always scary, yeah. I got myself in the habit of dealing with fear by taking action early on, and, well, you've seen where that gets me for weal and woe. But, big secret, little bird? You've been walking on air ever since the feast. It hasn't been even a little subtle. Been great to see you so happy."

[decrypter]

"It'd be hopeless to think it slipped past you, what with how you can tell." But it's said fondly, not resentfully. "It's...not that I wouldn't be happy, if we were merely friends, but it's nice to be courted. Pursued, with the understanding that I'm standing right here to do things like give a proper lady's favor or be asked to dance. If that makes sense?"

[crushed_pearls]

"Complete sense." Erin's wings stretch idly, snapping at the edge of the motion and ruffling the air in the room. "Though I wonder...I can't say that I know Darcy well, but if they're into courting, into being the one who seeks and pursues...it might be fun for you both if you could make some opportunities to be chased, little bird. There's two dancers on this floor, after all."

[decrypter]

"There's where I'm a little stuck. I don't know what counts as opportunities - all my knowledge comes from observing others, from reading, and none of it feels applicable."

A flop back on the bed again.

"I want to get this right, Erin."

[crushed_pearls]

"Don't we all, but people aren't puzzles to be solved. You'll make mistakes with the best of intentions, and so will Darcy. How you handle that after, that's on you, but..."

Erin hums, thoughtfully, and then: "Flip side question - do you like being pursued? Is that a role in this romance that's fun to you? Like. Not as a deep question of identity or anything here, just, are you havin' fun with it, does it make you feel good?"

[decrypter]

"...I do. I really do. It feels nice to be sought after like that. Like I'm worth all that effort to go to. That I managed to catch the eye of someone who wants to be my champion is even nicer."

[crushed_pearls]

"Then the question just becomes, how do you make yourself available to be pursued." Erin almost said 'chased' and then decided, no, let's not get this tangled up in other memories for Helena. That might be.

Very bad.

"...I really hate to say it but you're probably gonna have to like, tell Darcy things you usually keep private. Like your birthday or important days in your life. Though if you're after maximum enrichment in your enclosure, telling people both of you know and like so Darcy can shake it out of them can also be fun, but...how to put this...if this were a Freehold, right, people would expect those kinds of mind games out of me because I'm Spring - deliberately setting it up like that is sorta our brand. Darcy's not Lost, this isn't a Freehold, there's no unspoken expectations that can take the place of communicating for you."

[decrypter]

"I know that much, Erin. I wouldn't do the discourtesy of being a total mystery." Nor would she send someone who she knows wouldn't have the patience for all of that through so many loops. It would be cruel.

"...If I could convince her to learn braille, I could write many notes. Feed her sense of romance that way."

[crushed_pearls]

"'Convince' her you say. Helena. Little bird. My darling. My brave poet. If you have to do any persuading beyond merely broaching the topic I will grant you a boon."

[decrypter]

"Do you think she'll take to me personally inviting her to lessons? Tutoring her myself is more intimate, but runs the risk of both of us getting distracted easily..."