Come Sail Away IC Inbox

[crushed_pearls]

Erin's voice mail message is in a weary voice: "Erin Peters. If you called in the middle of the night and I didn't answer, I'm dying. If I pick up and someone on your end isn't dying, they will be shortly. Text otherwise."

Comments

[crushed_pearls]

"You can't undo what's done now," Erin says. "So you might as well face the music. Let me tell him you're here once you calm down a little, yeah?"

[pointofhonoria]

"Christ I am not havin' that talk out in the middle of Tauva, this is already pushin' it. Y'can tell him when I'm calmed down but this is happenin' behind some kinda closed door."

She sinks down in her chair, rubbing her thumb's knuckle against the crease in her brow. "Just hope I ain't screwed everything up. He's— still important to me, y'know. I dunno."

She just hasn't got a Goddamn clue how to articulate the specific way he's become such an important part of her life.

[crushed_pearls]

Erin takes a soft sip of her whiskey. "Tell me about it," she offers in a soft voice. "Can't hurt to articulate it now before you've gotta have the big talk, yeah?"

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb makes a low noise, taking a long, slow drink from her glass as her brow furrows ever deeper. "Christ, I dunno. We weren't ever all that close at home, y'know; we were friendly, sure, and I respected him a Hell of a lot, and we always knew the Note was this— this shadow over us both, but we didn't spend a lot of time together or nothin'."

They were friends, they were League, and Johnny honestly did a lot for her between letting them live out of the Margrave, his help with her wardrobe change and more, but it was a whole other context.

"But then we both ended up here and it's— it's different, y'know? We don't just talk more we see each other different, know each other better—understand better, I guess? Don't think I really realised just how much until I got back in November. We just— stopped usin' surnames, at some point, and I called him when I needed someone to sleep by me, and..."

She groans again. "Christ I ain't half rambling."

[crushed_pearls]

Erin says nothing, but she's looking right at her girlfriend with the most adoring expression.

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb squints over at her, gesturing in her direction with the hand holding her glass. "Now what's that look for?"

[crushed_pearls]

"Just basking in you having a deep insight into people and their relationships when you keep insisting you're bad at it," Erin murmurs, a bit dreamily. "Keep going ."

[pointofhonoria]

"Oh, shuddup," she says without any actual force behind it, grumbling for the sake of grumbling. She takes another swig from her glass and wipes her mouth on her hand, letting out a breath. "I trust him. With just about everything. When somethin' happens he's right up there with you in my first thoughts, whether 'cause I'm worryin' about him or 'cause I need to talk to him or... whatever. But it ain't the same way. I do—"

Another breath, then, quieter: "I do love him, but not like that, y'know?"

[crushed_pearls]

"So tell him that," Erin says softly. She trickles smoke out her nose. "...And while we're on this anyway you good for me to say something I've been trying to get through to you but like, the rude version?"

[pointofhonoria]

"Y'say that like I find all this mushy feelings stuff simple," she says, even if she knows Erin's got the right idea—so at least when she rolls her eyes just a little, it's mostly at herself. She takes another swig from her glass before she answers the question, though. "...fine, hit me."

[crushed_pearls]

"Kay." Erin turns to face Crabb fully, and takes her cigar out of her mouth. "Your 'I'm not attractive, only you will ever want me' routine has started to become an insult to my taste, love. I didn't have prophetic knowledge of how amazing you are when I met you at the gym. I'm not immune to handsome lasses! I freely engage in the hypocrisy of wanting people because they're hot, I just have enough respect for myself to get to know them first. So, either I'm delusional or you're attractive. Pick one."

[pointofhonoria]

"...Christ, you weren't kidding." 'The rude version' is right, but, well, she did tell her to go for it. She finishes the glass off, sets it down, and rubs at her face with her freed hand. "That ain't fair, petal. It ain't— hhhh."

It doesn't feel that simple. It's not that a part of her hasn't been trying to let herself accept this, and maybe she will be a step closer after all this, but it's... complicated. It feels complicated, at least, where maybe it shouldn't.

[crushed_pearls]

"Nuh-uh, Big J the C promised you eternal life, not a fair one. I wanna hear it out your mouth - which is it?"

[pointofhonoria]

"Erin c'mon. Sayin' it isn't gonna make it feel any more true just like that. I know it ain't just you, 'specially after last night," which was technically also today, wow memory time disparity is weird... "arrite? Just— ugh."

She sinks more in her chair, hands both over her face now.

[crushed_pearls]

"Of course it won't," Erin murmurs, her tone gentling. "But y'all are always on me for not being my own friend. You open your mouth to put yourself down so easily. Open it to build yourself up. Be your own friend, my fierce flower."

[pointofhonoria]

There's an aborted sound as she goes to say something and stops herself. It should be easier than this, by now; it's been nearly three years now since she last spent all her time around people who made her feel small, sometimes it's genuinely frustrating that she can't seem to shake it.

"...fine. You ain't delusional." It's still dodging saying the words, but it's... a start.

[crushed_pearls]

This is where Erin would give Crabb a long stare, IF SHE HAD -

Actually.

(Fuck it.)

Erin's Mantle pops and sparks, and she lowers her blindfold to stare at Crabb with big owl eyes.

[pointofhonoria]

It's so sudden it provokes a burst of startled laughter out of Crabb. She pushes herself up a little straighter from where she's slumping and just... blinks at Erin. "Erin what in God's name—"

[crushed_pearls]

"Well that's not the reaction I wanted out of this meaningful glare," Erin says with Exaggerated Huffiness. "Is there something not serious about my large and loving owl eyes?"

Her pupils dilate hugely.

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb snorts and covers her mouth for a second, but amidst the surprised amusement she does sound terribly fond. "You expected me not to be surprised by you suddenly puttin' on bleedin' owl eyes just to give me a look?!"

[crushed_pearls]

"Who would be? Who? Hoo? Hoo?"

[pointofhonoria]

"Erin!" She actually almost chokes on the next burst of laughter, body trying to fold in on itself whilst still being slumped down like she is. She covers her face, shoulders shaking.

[crushed_pearls]

"This stops when you finish the thought you started there out loud, love," Erin promises/warns/threatens.

[pointofhonoria]

"You're a cruel mistress, you are. Arrite, arrite, God—" She groans and forces herself to sit more upright again. "You— you ain't delusional, so I must—" sighs, "—I must be attractive."

And now she's sinking in her chair again. Even lower than before..

[crushed_pearls]

Erin scoots her chair in closer and gently presses her forehead to Crabb's. Her wings fold in to shield her lover from the eyes of the world. "Yeah, you are," Erin murmurs. "My fierce and glorious flower. You've gotta live with yourself every single day and it breaks my heart that you seem to make that unlivable. Be nice to you, yeah?"