Come Sail Away IC Inbox

[crushed_pearls]

Erin's voice mail message is in a weary voice: "Erin Peters. If you called in the middle of the night and I didn't answer, I'm dying. If I pick up and someone on your end isn't dying, they will be shortly. Text otherwise."

Comments

[crushed_pearls]

"Oh my god not you too. Give a bitch time to bask in the afterglow." Erin flops completely onto her back on the grass; she's feeling way too good for there to be any venom in her words. "I think you'll find it was a couple of seconds. Nobody even had time to notice I was gone, and I knew they wouldn't 'cause that wasn't my first rodeo."

[pointofhonoria]

"Believe me this would be a whole other kinda conversation if you didn't know that for certain, petal." She brushes her fingers against Erin's cheek, down to her jaw to gently turn her head her way. "But it weren't a couple seconds to you. It was two bleedin' years! Longer than you've even been here! I ain't just gonna pretend like it's not a lil' bit nuts that you don't think that's nuts."

[crushed_pearls]

Erin's voice goes quiet. "...'noria...if you fell in one of those rifts, and you found me at the library looking for demons to summon, what would you do?"

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb blinks, mouth hanging open for a moment before she manages to shake the initial shock off. "I— Christ, you don't half know how to go for the heart, eh... I-I dunno, I don't think I could just sit by and let you do it, I'll give you that, but that's a moment in time, Erin. Not two Goddamn years."

[crushed_pearls]

"Is it a moment in time, my fierce flower? Is it over if you take the book from my hands and burn it?" Erin rolls back over and props herself up on her elbow; she lays a hand on Crabb's heart. "Is it over if you just send me back to that school and all the misery that drove me in the first place? And if it's not...when is it over?"

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb sighs, resting her hand over Erin's. "I can't answer that, you know I can't. There's no way to know how deep the things that led us where we are run. If I hadn't gone past the orphanage that night, would things have changed? Or would I have just kept seekin' 'Tom' out anyway? And even if I could pinpoint a moment, for you or me, that'd set things right... our lives ain't actually changing, are they?"

[crushed_pearls]

"You can answer, love. You'd stick around. Someone was in need, and I stayed. That's all. Any decent person would have done that, I barely had to do my ethics homework about it." Erin nuzzles against Crabb's neck. "It's not like the problem was complicated. She'd lost her mother and with her, her father. Ruby needed someone to be not okay with. What else are sisters for?"

[pointofhonoria]

"I really ain't sure I could actually do that, Erin. I'd do what I could, yeah, but givin' up two years with other folks I care about, with the you I already know and love? Who even if I can't undo the hurt that got you over the years I can try and help you best I can here? I dunno, petal. If it makes me selfish to say I'd rather live life as it is, then—"

She sighs, staring up at nothing in particular as she squeezes Erin's hand. "It ain't that I'm not sympathetic, petal, just— clearly I'm weighin' on a different scale."

[crushed_pearls]

"...Is it wrong that hearing you say that is kinda hot?" Erin laughs and licks Crabb's neck. "I didn't lose any time. I just...spent some bonus time I didn't know I'd get. What's the big deal?"

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb shivers just a little and gives her hand a firmer squeeze, "No distractin' me, you. I— I dunno how to say it any clearer, petal, the fact that bonus time was two years bleedin' well is the big deal! Christ that's more than twice the length of time you've known me! And I-I mean it's flatterin' that you kept your promise that whole time and came back just as eager to be with me as when you went in but it's— it's two years! I was only a detective at home for two years! That's not loose change kinda time!"

[crushed_pearls]

"I was a mother fucker for nearly thirty," Erin murmurs. "Two...two's nothing."

[pointofhonoria]

God, she's going in circles but she has to try and make her understand this. "Erin. Please. I ain't saying this just to say it. That's not nothing to me. And— look at it this way. If two years is nothin', then why did it matter? Huh? Why did staying matter if two years means so little in the grand scheme of things? Sure it was two years you spent supportin' Ruby but it's also two years you spent without anyone supporting you!"

[crushed_pearls]

Erin rolls onto her back again with a heavy sigh; she covers her face with her hand, and just breathes, for a bit.

"...Remnant ain't so bad as all that once you ignore the bit where my spicy nightmares summon soulless monsters every. Fucking. Time. I missed you, I missed everyone I love here but like, I was coming back. Just...a delay, is all. It was important to stay. I was doing something good!"

"...For once."

[pointofhonoria]

"...petal, you do good around here."

Crabb rolls after her, wraps an arm over her and nuzzles against her throat. Breathes.

"You already take care of Ruby, I've seen it. And you do good by me. And you do good by others. You doing something good ain't a for once, petal. No matter what's makin' you think otherwise right now."

[crushed_pearls]

"...It don't feel like that, love. It feels like I'm barely hitting decent."

[pointofhonoria]

"Why?" She kisses Erin's jaw and lets fingertips draw idle circles where her arm drapes around her. "Explain that to me, why d'you feel like that?"

[crushed_pearls]

"Do good people need to do a fuckin' ethics paper before every decision! I'm, fucking - you do recall I attempt to murder the cat for fun, right? For fun? You know, that thing carnival rides provide?" Erin turns away and curls up on herself. "...Something's broke in me and I don't think it's fixable. Whatever it is you've got that just. Tells you what the right thing to do is, I don't have it, okay?"

[pointofhonoria]

"...Erin..."

Crabb stays close, nuzzling against her spine—though if Erin indicates that she shouldn't right now, she'll sit up and just look at her.

"You don't need whatever you think it is that's missing, petal. It doesn't matter what you think, how much stuff you gotta weigh up before you make a choice, it matters what you do. Sure, you and Siffleur have your game but he enjoys that too, don't he? You ain't hurting people that don't sign up for it, not unless you have to. And the fact you don't have whatever you think others do but still try to make the right calls? Just makes how hard you try more impressive. Hell, you're doin' better than some folks, the kinda who just boldly believe they're doin' the right thing even when they ain't at all, 'cause they're listenin' to the selfish voices and tellin' themselves it's their conscience."

[crushed_pearls]

It can't be that simple, can it? Decades of filth and villainy changed so fast, by just trying?

It's not that easy.

It can't be.

A little sob escapes, and with it the floodgates open. Erin cries on the grass like a lost child.

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb slots herself flush up against Erin's back, burying her face in her shoulder and holding her close, trying to keep her own breathing even so Erin has something to focus on. She didn't expect to crack her open like this but now she has she's not going anywhere, steady and warm and murmuring little reassurances against her.

[crushed_pearls]

It's...

...It's a long while, before Erin cries herself out. By the time she's done she's turned to hold Crabb close, clinging to her like she'll just vanish if Erin lets go.

"...Don't go," Erin murmurs, throat tight. "Just...just hold me, I'm...I'm so tired, love..."

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb squeezes her tight as she can, voice quiet but firm, "I ain't goin' anywhere, Erin. Promise. Hold you long as you need me to, petal."