crushed_pearls | Come Sail Away IC Inbox

"I hear there's this amazing one on offer about my tiny roommate experiencing romance with a fierce and noble lass that's a hell of a cook."

"...Can you at least not laugh at me until I'm done telling my story?"

"Helena, my darling, to laugh at you would be to laugh at myself. Which is to say, no promises, but I've been there."

Repeatedly. And again on this ship. Several times.

She's a disaster.

There's a hum of acceptance, and Helena leans back on her hands. She's surprised herself by how much she's wanted to tell someone, to share the joy that doesn't want to stay restrained to her journal pages. But perhaps this is part of it - wanting someone else who knows to know, so that she can hear a reply.

"I was helping her, before the joust. She doesn't know horses, but I know enough. And I thought that since we're already playacting, all dressed up like we're in an old story, it'd be right to give my chosen knight a favor."

Which would sound cheesy in someone else's hands, but she imbues the words with a fondness, a sincerity. Yes, they were playing make-believe, but they might as well not have been.

"She asked after if I'd kiss her for luck, and I told her that I'd kiss her if she won."

When she won. This might explain half of Darcy's desire to crush the joust. The other half was sheer stubbornness and the dreams of Being That Kind of Sword Guy.

"But even if she lost...I think I would have still."

"Christ, lass, but you'd be such a glorious menace in a proper Freehold." Erin sighs, wistfully. "...When did you realize you wanted to?"

She has no idea what Erin means, which is probably for the best, because in the AU where Helena is Lost, she might figure it out and become that menace in full.

But. Anyway.

"Not too long after we started courting. It was something akin to...I'd been solving the code the whole time and not noticed until the last key was pressed, and I knew, but...I didn't know how to ask. And then things just kept happening and I still didn't know."

How to adjust to the idea of wanting and being wanted.

"I don't know how long I might have waited if the perfect excuse hadn't been there."

"Mmm..." It's an understanding, if wordless, noise. "Putting your heart on the table is always scary, yeah. I got myself in the habit of dealing with fear by taking action early on, and, well, you've seen where that gets me for weal and woe. But, big secret, little bird? You've been walking on air ever since the feast. It hasn't been even a little subtle. Been great to see you so happy."

"It'd be hopeless to think it slipped past you, what with how you can tell." But it's said fondly, not resentfully. "It's...not that I wouldn't be happy, if we were merely friends, but it's nice to be courted. Pursued, with the understanding that I'm standing right here to do things like give a proper lady's favor or be asked to dance. If that makes sense?"

"Complete sense." Erin's wings stretch idly, snapping at the edge of the motion and ruffling the air in the room. "Though I wonder...I can't say that I know Darcy well, but if they're into courting, into being the one who seeks and pursues...it might be fun for you both if you could make some opportunities to be chased, little bird. There's two dancers on this floor, after all."

"There's where I'm a little stuck. I don't know what counts as opportunities - all my knowledge comes from observing others, from reading, and none of it feels applicable."

A flop back on the bed again.

"I want to get this right, Erin."

"Don't we all, but people aren't puzzles to be solved. You'll make mistakes with the best of intentions, and so will Darcy. How you handle that after, that's on you, but..."

Erin hums, thoughtfully, and then: "Flip side question - do you like being pursued? Is that a role in this romance that's fun to you? Like. Not as a deep question of identity or anything here, just, are you havin' fun with it, does it make you feel good?"

"...I do. I really do. It feels nice to be sought after like that. Like I'm worth all that effort to go to. That I managed to catch the eye of someone who wants to be my champion is even nicer."

"Then the question just becomes, how do you make yourself available to be pursued." Erin almost said 'chased' and then decided, no, let's not get this tangled up in other memories for Helena. That might be.

Very bad.

"...I really hate to say it but you're probably gonna have to like, tell Darcy things you usually keep private. Like your birthday or important days in your life. Though if you're after maximum enrichment in your enclosure, telling people both of you know and like so Darcy can shake it out of them can also be fun, but...how to put this...if this were a Freehold, right, people would expect those kinds of mind games out of me because I'm Spring - deliberately setting it up like that is sorta our brand. Darcy's not Lost, this isn't a Freehold, there's no unspoken expectations that can take the place of communicating for you."

"I know that much, Erin. I wouldn't do the discourtesy of being a total mystery." Nor would she send someone who she knows wouldn't have the patience for all of that through so many loops. It would be cruel.

"...If I could convince her to learn braille, I could write many notes. Feed her sense of romance that way."

"'Convince' her you say. Helena. Little bird. My darling. My brave poet. If you have to do any persuading beyond merely broaching the topic I will grant you a boon."

"Do you think she'll take to me personally inviting her to lessons? Tutoring her myself is more intimate, but runs the risk of both of us getting distracted easily..."

A low, fond chuckle. "Mood. But given that she fucking hates me I can't really teach her myself unless she gets cool with some things real fast."

Alas.

"...Security writes Braille."

"It does."

There's a fond edge on her words at that. Security is the only other person aboard currently who'd be able to decrypt her journals, as well - she'd handed the key to her personally designed shorthand over in private, considering that should something ever happen, someone should be able to decode them, to know her thoughts if she couldn't share them.

"But would it consent to teaching is the question? Or do I simply place the idea in Darcy's head and see where this takes us?"

Edited 2023-09-21 21:19 (UTC)

"...Put it in their head," Erin decides after a moment's thought. "Maybe a note alongside a gift or favor. Don't comment on it, kinda just leave it for her?"

(Helena could rickroll Darcy.)

We're not suggesting that.

(It would be the greatest rickroll in any reality.)

We're not suggesting that.

"I could make that milk bread Shouji helped me with again, actually. Food I made with my own hands would mean more than any present...plus, it's not like I know their style well enough to give something to wear."

Not beyond what she already has.

"...How the fuck are you already the ideal girlfriend..."

Erin coughs; she heard it, she hadn't meant to say that out loud. "I mean. Good idea."

"An ideal girlfriend wouldn't be fretting over potentially committing some cardinal sin towards the relationship. She'd just know what to do."

She says it lightly, though Erin will know the reality in it.

"But it's nice, Erin, even if I'm going to keep worrying. It's nice to spend time together and hold their hand and share meals and kiss them." A tiny pause. "The girl I was when I showed up here would have never believed any of that would be possible."

"The girl you were still had a cop in her head telling her lies about her worth and her body," Erin murmurs. "And it's been nice watching you drag that cop out of your head and shoot them until the gore is no longer recognizable as human."

Beat.

"...That metaphor went dark but I stand by it."

"They're still breathing, I think."

She's not going to shame Erin for her dark metaphors.

"I just...try to ignore it."

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