Come Sail Away IC Inbox

[crushed_pearls]

Erin's voice mail message is in a weary voice: "Erin Peters. If you called in the middle of the night and I didn't answer, I'm dying. If I pick up and someone on your end isn't dying, they will be shortly. Text otherwise."

Comments

[teethoftherisk]

This is not free cheese, this is a biological weapon. The arms are my arms.

[crushed_pearls]

You know damn well you are only causing the existence of more questions.

[teethoftherisk]

Yes but that is also the answer. The arms are my arms. They grow back now. I have a pile from experimenting. I have already eaten some of them raw. Now I want to cook them.

[crushed_pearls]

My guy this is a level of cannibalism previously unknown to science.

Do not tell Cesar what the cookware is for. Either that or ask Friday if you can get like a fucking Dutch oven or something.

[teethoftherisk]

Octopuses also eat their own arms. There is nothing I have done that nature has not already perfected.

I will ask Friday and borrow from the buffet.

[crushed_pearls]

Have fun the clean wood is in Sundries and good fucking luck getting the flavor right.

[teethoftherisk]

Thank you. My next step is to see what kind of spice mix or rub I am able to make using what is on board. You are invited to join me to try the finished product.

[crushed_pearls]

I am going to pass. I have entertained trying out the cougar meat but actual human arms may be a bridge too far. I am aware of the hypocrisy in that statement and am choosing not to resolve it.

[teethoftherisk]

The human meat tastes better than the cougar meat, but I understand and respect your choices, coward.

[crushed_pearls]

Listen. If I eat your meat I become vulnerable to having You Have A Friend In Me sung at me at all time.

[teethoftherisk]

You have multiple girlfriends, you are already vulnerable to this.

[crushed_pearls]

None of them know the song and only Ylva chooses to be in me so.

Three minutes.

Possibly that was too much information.

[teethoftherisk]

Maybe but congratulations. I would tell Ylva to eat me but I am certain that the next time we fight, she will kill and eat my guts and I think my flavour should be a surprise for then.

[crushed_pearls]

Siffleur you know I like and respect you but you do understand that if my wildflower comes back to me a wreck because you did some Hannibal Lecter shit there will be kindled in me a rage fit to hang God by his own intestines yes?

[teethoftherisk]

How do you know who Hannibal Lecter is?

[crushed_pearls]

I am American how the fuck would I not know.

[teethoftherisk]

I thought you were from a world without TV.

[crushed_pearls]

No I just spent most of my life in a time maze so I mostly watched reruns of old shit.

Where did you get that idea?

[teethoftherisk]

Huh. You feel like you came from somewhere medieval.

[crushed_pearls]

How the fuck have I gone this long without making references in front of you. No I am from Earth in twenty god damn seventeen.

[teethoftherisk]

You did mention Star Wars once I think but I wasn't sure if you had watched those movies here.

But I am not a Hannibal Lecter kind of person and I am not going to trick your girlfriend into eating me. I just make her very, very angry by existing so I think she will probably eventually kill and eat me herself.

[crushed_pearls]

Well if she does that will be on her but I do mean it. I hear one whisper about the screaming of the lambs and I go apeshit. I believe you understand my position on this.

[teethoftherisk]

I expect you to go apeshit no matter how innocent I am when your wildflower snaps, but to repeat myself, I am not Hannibal Lecter and I do not do mind games. My personality does all the work for me.

[crushed_pearls]

I will not leap to conclusions Siffleur. You have been kind enough to let me be a monster. I will not hold being one against you. My main concern is that Ylva is not one. She would not be happier as one.

[teethoftherisk]

To be clear, I am not trying to make Ylva into a monster. You are right, she would be miserable and I do not see the point in being like us if you are not having fun. I am just saying that your girlfriend hates me and I do think that is funny.