crushed_pearls | Come Sail Away IC Inbox

Yeah so I just about served myself my own foot as a three course meal trying to talk to that Valdis woman. Feel like a right damn fool.

Local butch into feminine woman with blatant air of murder film at eleven.

Erin, I love you, and if it were just that I'd be laughing with you, but I'm being serious, it was not the fun kind of making a bloody fool of myself. Felt like I was driving myself in circles.

I admit that I struggle to imagine how it could have gone badly. Did you not hit the notes of hi who are you why do you want a fight and to what extent? Part of sending her to you and Cass was me being confused on that last score. At first she said all out and like if I go all out someone is dying and then I said that and she did say firmly that she does not want to go that hard but was hazy on where to actually stop. You can see my issue.

Look I ain't good at this stuff, y'know? Negotation ain't my area. And I went in a bit aggravated after catching a photo of her with a knife to your damn throat that she then chose to dance around explaining, so

I just fumbled it, alright. Tried to get across that I don't care if you two fight so long as no one's killing anyone and she's not just looking for an excuse to hurt you, which she took like I was making a judgement instead of covering the basics.

And then she came to continue the conversation in person and started poking at personal stuff.

I dunno. Sorry. I didn't handle it well. I ain't the League's negotiator for a reason.

Yeah that was a moment. I was being good. Did not expect knife but no one got hurt. Wish she would just tell me what she wants. Told her I would fuck off if she would just ask me to. There are fuck off vibes but they are not the only ones. And Valdis has yet to tell me to go.

She seemed to think you have no interest in learning about her or being learned about. Said it's part of why she wants the fight, to learn. So. There's that.

Coulda done with knowing you offered to go to the death, by the way. Weren't fun having that sprung on me again.

I know you didn't get hurt. But she kept not giving me straight answers and then when she came by my cabin she used the knife stuff to embarrass me. Made a jab about just because I like being pinned doesn't mean she does, after she startled telling reactions out of me. Was awkward enough facing her knowing it was sorta her fault you were even in the mood that night and I dunno.

Now I'm just sorta sat here feeling like an idiot.

Crabb, of course, having no idea Valdis could feel her emotions.

I am not trying to die. But I probably could have communicated better that all out for me does not have a lower setting. Some of my tricks do not come with brakes so I am very cautious with them here. I do want to know about Valdis. But she is something I am not sure she is happy to be. I hesitate to ask because I do not want to demand answers that are painful to give. I thought I was taking that part slow not giving the impression that I do not care.

Alright, then. She did say something about how going to the death would teach her more, even if she didn't want to, so if you were just trying to get across what she was getting into if she wanted something you can't give without that risk then. Okay. Maybe try tell her that again, as well as explaining the other thing. Get things set straight.

Sorry.

She hits send on the 'sorry' and then doesn't even know what she's saying sorry for, she just feels... out of sorts, after that conversation. She's got by without making any genuinely bad impressions so far but feels like she's given just that. She's embarrassed in a not fun way.

She sighs.

I know you were trying to keep me involved and in the loop here.

You did nothing wrong love. I am not just keeping you in the loop. I trust your judgement and I wanted you to meet her. It sounds like she was rude to you and there will be cross words about that later when I see her next.

Probably wasn't on my best behaviour myself really, I'm too blunt tongued for stuff like this sometimes but yeah I dunno. It's fun when you tease me and just banter when Johnny does but that didn't feel like either.

Am glad you trust me even if I feel like I didn't much live up to it this time.

Honoria. Love. How is it you feel like you let me down? Talk me through it.

Ugh I dunno, the whole thing just felt like a mess. I went in too rough and I let her rile me up. I should've thought it through and talked to her proper like.

I try real hard not to make bad impressions here when we're all stuck together like we are. Should've tried harder but I didn't.

Sounds like the person you should apologize to is yourself then. I do not feel let down. Foot eating or not I am so very proud to be thought of in relation to you.

Also she can't throw stones about clown-ass introductions.

So. Do you think I should indulge after I clear things up? In the fight that is other indulgences are not on the table at this time.

You're sweet, petal, you really are and I love it and you but God I feel like the blunt instrument everyone thought I was right now and I don't like that feeling nor is it the easiest thing to bleedin shake.

So long as you actually go get yourself healed up if you get hurt then, sure. You can have more interesting fights with people closer to your level and I'm fine with you indulging that if you think it through.

You are no instrument. Of any sharpness. One bad introduction does not mean you have some deep failing. Also this delay brought to you by petal making me squeal like a goddamn teenager.

Despite all grumpiness that makes her smile.

Five whole minutes squealing, huh? I'm glad you like it, was a lil nervous to try the endearments out. Like making you happy though.

And thanks. I know, y'know, but feelings know nothing sometimes.

Yeah. The heart is a madman and sometimes it is mad like a fox and sometimes it is mad like a cat attacking her own ass and then wondering who bit her on the ass. You know you are the first person to really use a pet name for me? Not like the first person ever. Flings and such would use terms of endearment but. Well. Razor Anne was maybe the closest thing I had to a girlfriend for a long time and she called me boss lady. Including in bed.

About eight seconds later.

That last part was possibly too much information.

See that sure causes me to feel some kinda way but where even is the line with too much information when we've slept together and had talks so involved I come out of them feeling like my face is literally on fire?

Will admit to being a bit pleased when I'm the first with something.

Seeing as Erin's her first... almost everything, sometimes it's kinda nice when its her turn.

Edited 2022-12-04 07:23 (UTC)

Glad to have that from you love. And I am so glad I can genuinely drive you wild. Thank you. For being there for me on this. And when I have trouble being there for myself. For being you in all your glory.

Well, I sure ain't going to be anywhere but there for you, I wanna be there. And I ain't gonna stop being me.

Love you. Thanks for trusting me even with the stuff I ain't always sure about.

Catch ya at our next reading Honoria. Unless we end up rescheduling because you finished your assignment.

Should Erin have thrown in that last tease? Maybe not! But something to look forward to might be a nice way to get Crabb out of her own head.

Cue Crabb taking a couple minutes to reply after fumbling and dropping her own phone on her face.

Bloody merciless tease, you are.

And now to complete my villainy I return to practicing my braille. Love ya.

Love you too. Talk later.

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