crushed_pearls | Come Sail Away IC Inbox

She tries to say it, but the words catch in her throat once, twice, until she finally flops over on her back, addressing her words to the room as a whole instead of just Erin.

"...I kissed Darcy."

Why does saying the words aloud make her feel so shy, for goodness's sake - she knows Erin has heard and spoken of much more intimate things.

"I resemble that remark," Erin grumbles, Very Much Not Consciously. The news gets her attention, but she forces down her immediate reaction, which is to gut that person and turn their bones into wind chimes that have cocks carved into them.

Instead she says, very softly: "You got a plan?"

"Yes, but it will take time."

Hopefully she has that time.

"I don't want you to worry about it. I've got plenty of people to support me with soul energy right now."

She smiles softly at the thought of Ashley.

"All five are insane, but...it helps."

(I wonder if this is how Peter felt when we had beef with Ava.)

...Fuck if I know.

Out loud, teasing just faintly: "Bold move, Ms. Adams, to woo one's champion like that. However will the kingdom withstand the scandal of it all?"

Erin sighs, deeply, a weight in her stomach. "...It kills me that I can't help there. I know why, I even agree with why, which makes it worse, but...you need help most and I feel like I'm on the sidelines. Which. Might be insane? That whole shoot-first problem again, wanting my bloody hands on the rudder."

"Erin, we agreed that it was too risky. I've taken Angels and Demons without side effects, but you aren't of my world and the powers you wield are different. Siffleur is still more human than magic, and Klaus, Nobunaga and Max are all solidly human. Ashley is a werewolf and doesn't have magic or contracts and I'm still wary of siphoning off him."

He's sweet though and she is curious enough to take the chance. She likes him, a lot.

"We just don't know what will and won't cause issues and if you think it would be dangerous, then I believe you."

"...I know. And I appreciate you believin' me a lot more than I would getting to try because you didn't, but...mostly I'm trying to be heard rather than get a solution." There's a twinge in her chest; admitting it feels childish somehow, an emotion Erin is trying to push into a toilet because the feeling itself is childish. You're supposed! To talk! To your lovers!

Wait a minute.

"...How exactly did the new guy end up on the lunch menu?"

"He's hot."

And kind, and careful, and sweet, and playful and flirty. All things that she likes and appreciates. He also relates to her in a way Erin and Max can't, he doesn't dwell and sometimes she just wants to move on.

"Since when do you care about hot?" Erin can't help but laugh, the idea is absurd, especially not with the way their near but not completely identical troubles with being perceived had complicated her early relationship to Valdis. "Love, c'mon, spill the tea."

"He's just...I feel things. Different from you or Max. He's forward, yes, but his feelings aren't lustful or entitled. He learns quickly about what I need and adjusts like I've known him far longer than I have. He listens. He doesn't dwell on the past or become worked up over what he learns. He said he'd rather live in the moment with me than worry about everything that came before."

She softens as she speaks, the anxiety over Harvey and the Void fading into the distance.

"He's steady, like you, but in a more gentle way. Like water instead of rock. He's fun to speak to and play with. He doesn't make me feel like I need to hide parts of myself in order to protect him. He's also crazy enough to not be concerned about the fact I could kill him if I wanted to, but you and Max are also like that."

There's a stab of initial jealousy, an echo from Erin's own insecurities, but her hand comes up to the locket, and it dissipates. It's not just the sheer hypocrisy of the feeling, though yes, that. It's that...

...These are words Erin's said before. Words she understands, about how every love is different, and none are interchangeable. The memory of how Valdis does struggle with those lustful feelings, but if she was entirely against them she certainly wouldn't be with Erin or, more to the point, Max, who loves fiercely and truly and so very sexually. The taste of the Glamour in the air, steady and fond, like Valdis is when the two of them are just relaxing with each other.

There's nothing to envy, and nothing to guard. The pain dies before it can truly live.

"...It sounds almost like you've got it kinda bad for this boy," Erin murmurs. "I suppose I'll have to give him the traditional warning."

Max had gotten it when Erin gave her encouragement to woo Crabb and Ylva: requests for threesomes will be met with immediate violence.

"Mmmph."

The wordless sound of dismay is enough to tell even the blind that Helena's beginning to fluster. Don't make her second guess trusting you with this.

"More like a mutual wooing, actually...I thought it was romantic enough, but you can't tell her I told you or I'll move out, I mean it."

"...Little bird, not to bring your mood down or anything but Darcy's on a pretty strict 'never talk to me again' policy with me and I'm decently certain she loathes that I breathe her air on this ship. You are in no danger of me telling her jack nor shit unless it's a genuine existential emergency."

There's...regret, there. Erin really wants to get on better with Darcy, but, well, here they are.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

News aside, this does demand a moment of seriousness, and Helena sits back up. Should she move on now that they've addressed the subject, never discuss Darcy again, what does one do....

"I like her well enough. It's...fine. I made a serious mistake early on when I was...there's no excuse, but if Darcy doesn't want me to make amends I can't force her to accept them. I still wanna hear about this big moment in your life, little bird." There's a smile in Erin's voice as she continues: "Told you you'd fly high."

"You sure I can't tempt you into a story and skillfully evade talking about myself again?"

At least she's self aware of the impulse.

"I hear there's this amazing one on offer about my tiny roommate experiencing romance with a fierce and noble lass that's a hell of a cook."

"...Can you at least not laugh at me until I'm done telling my story?"

"Helena, my darling, to laugh at you would be to laugh at myself. Which is to say, no promises, but I've been there."

Repeatedly. And again on this ship. Several times.

She's a disaster.

There's a hum of acceptance, and Helena leans back on her hands. She's surprised herself by how much she's wanted to tell someone, to share the joy that doesn't want to stay restrained to her journal pages. But perhaps this is part of it - wanting someone else who knows to know, so that she can hear a reply.

"I was helping her, before the joust. She doesn't know horses, but I know enough. And I thought that since we're already playacting, all dressed up like we're in an old story, it'd be right to give my chosen knight a favor."

Which would sound cheesy in someone else's hands, but she imbues the words with a fondness, a sincerity. Yes, they were playing make-believe, but they might as well not have been.

"She asked after if I'd kiss her for luck, and I told her that I'd kiss her if she won."

When she won. This might explain half of Darcy's desire to crush the joust. The other half was sheer stubbornness and the dreams of Being That Kind of Sword Guy.

"But even if she lost...I think I would have still."

"Christ, lass, but you'd be such a glorious menace in a proper Freehold." Erin sighs, wistfully. "...When did you realize you wanted to?"

She has no idea what Erin means, which is probably for the best, because in the AU where Helena is Lost, she might figure it out and become that menace in full.

But. Anyway.

"Not too long after we started courting. It was something akin to...I'd been solving the code the whole time and not noticed until the last key was pressed, and I knew, but...I didn't know how to ask. And then things just kept happening and I still didn't know."

How to adjust to the idea of wanting and being wanted.

"I don't know how long I might have waited if the perfect excuse hadn't been there."

"Mmm..." It's an understanding, if wordless, noise. "Putting your heart on the table is always scary, yeah. I got myself in the habit of dealing with fear by taking action early on, and, well, you've seen where that gets me for weal and woe. But, big secret, little bird? You've been walking on air ever since the feast. It hasn't been even a little subtle. Been great to see you so happy."

Valdis senses the spike of jealousy, but she lets Erin work through it without comment, simply squeezing her hand until she speaks again.

"I don't know...I want to...I'm definitely more open to things than I once was. Partially thanks to you."

Though she hasn't heard of this 'traditional warning.'

"Don't scare him off, Erin."

"Pssh, I didn't scare Max off, Ash will be fine." Erin flashes a feral grin. "Just marking out a personal boundary, I know full well you can handle your own pushy suitors. What would I even threaten in a shovel talk that's scarier?'

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