crushed_pearls | Come Sail Away IC Inbox

"...I'm working on that," Erin promises in a soft voice. "Not just hearing it with my ears but believing it. People keep saying it to me and I. Need to believe them. I want to believe them. But it turns out being your own enemy is a habit you can't just break in an instant."

"I wouldn't say that to just anyone, Erin. But the point wasn't about believing it, it was about saying it. I don't think I ever said anything like that to Jinx. I don't think she'd have expected me to hurt about her."

Finally it takes the tea, taking a sip to try to break up that lump.

"...I didn't know her well." The regrets in that sentence swarm thickly. "But I suspect, from the few times I've seen her, that Jinx didn't like herself very much. And when you live like that it can be hard to believe you'll be missed."

Erin's not trying to be talking about SecUnit with that description. But it sure does rhyme, doesn't it?

"I'm sorry, for your loss. And..." A long breath out. Erin takes a steadying sip of what is, for lack of another thing to call it, her own tea. "...I'm touched, SecUnit. I -"

(Hey, remember how there were drones at the game show?)

...FUCK.

"I won't go offering my life up again. I can't promise not to risk it. But anyone who wants it is going to have to pry it out of my hands."

"Good, because the next time you try, I might kill you myself to make a point."

It won't, it never will, but that last word comes out as a heavy sob instead of a proper part of speech and it leans into the door and buries its face in its arm and tries to take in a breath but it comes out ragged and wet.

I'm going to be hanging some fliers in the near future. I know you won't be able to read them, so here's the skinny: I'm offering lessons in sartorial excellence to those who need suit-style help in advance of the wedding. It's not a big to-do, I just didn't want you to feel left out.

Excellent. Thank you for thinking of me. I may take you up on those late in the game as my usual solution for formal wear is not present and I do clean up nicely in a suit. While I have your attention there is also pleasant work on the table. Would I be right in presuming you find the prospect of mentoring someone on a gender journey to be a an excellent use of your talents?

Erin's voice stays soft. "Let's step back inside here, buddy. D'ya really wanna do this in the doorway where concerned folks might try to help?"

Not that there's anything wrong with that in itself, but...

...Well, SecUnit doesn't like being touched on a good day.

This is not a good day.

Generally, yes, though if the gender in question is high femme, macho or weapon, I may be of limited usefulness.

Sorry, Darcy.

I have recently learned that a friend of mine thought she was the only transgender person aboard. And to be clear I would bet you the kidney of your choice that she does not yet recognize the word I just used to describe her situation. Not knowing if you prefer your business spread about I said I would ask an experienced friend of mine if he was willing to talk to her and introduce her to the community aboard she did not know she has.

1. If the situation recurs, I have no qualm with my identity being revealed to someone else who is queer or questioning. 2. I am willing to talk to her. 3. There is a deep loneliness in thinking you're the only one. In not having a word. Thank you.

It is my genuine pleasure. I hope whatever community we build will not need the defenses the people of my world had to build to protect themselves but I know from experience that there is no beating someone who understands. The lass in question is Ylva the wolf. On her world people simply assumed she was a woman and she found herself agreeing but talking to me about romance she divulged her situation with many painful doubts. She even went so far as to apologize for what she saw as a deception. I told her a bit about what I know but you will know better. I dearly hope she can find joy in being who she is. In a somewhat related story you may also be of service to her in understanding the romantic habits of the male mind. My expertise there runs dry outside of more explicitly transactional affairs.

There is no singular male mind, where romance is concerned, I don't think.

True but still. She has I think expressed interest in a specific gentleman that I do not know and has extreme doubts as to whether he is flirting or being polite or not. As a master of the flirt which deliberately goes nowhere this is your arena.

I'll do what I can for her. Feel free to put her in touch with me.

It nods, not up to words at this point, and steps back into the cabin, moving to the bed. It sets the tea on the nightstand and...

just...

...

...weeps.

Wordlessly, Erin steps in, closes the door behind her, and sets her own cup down so that she can retrieve the weighted blanket and drape it, with as little contact as possible, around SecUnit's shoulders.

It curls itself into the blanket, making all sorts of ugly crying sounds:
- harsh, rasping breaths
- gulping for air
- hiccups
- shuddery exhalations
-- sometimes mixed with strangled wails
- mucusy snorts and sniffles
-- the occasional nasal sound that can only be described as a honk
- that gaspy sound one makes when trying to get control again
-- only for it to dissolve into even harder crying

Erin almost sits on Jinx's bed without thinking about it, but she realizes better in time; she pulls up the desk chair so she can be close, deliberately turning her head away from her friend.

It's important to be here, now. Even if it's not in the way she's used to.

"I think mine would be better off," Dimitri mutters. His gut wrenches. It's never been more than a half-thought, a feeling unformed and carefully avoided -- he couldn't even put it to words, when his own mind isn't exactly private, let alone give it voice. But it's lurked there nonetheless, persistent, because -- "No one life should ever be worth that much."

He takes another, longer look at the timer, then shakes his head. "I'd like to hear what you have to ask me, but ... not now. I stand by what I've said to you, and I will, but it's ... hard to retain focus, in the face of the morals I was raised with." The world's beginning to warp around him, slippery and uncertain, whispers creeping in at the edges, and it takes all his strength to dig his nails into the path he's chosen. "Another time. When things have settled." And when he can think more clearly.

Edited 2022-11-25 22:08 (UTC)

Erin nods softly. "I'll hold you to it, Dimitri. If my advice is any good right now, I would find a friend to be with. If...if our business here is settled, I'm going to go do that myself."

The timer is taken back, and put away.

Eventually it works its way down from a rolling boil to a light simmer, as all cries eventually do. Snuffling wetly and rubbing at its face with its sleeve.

Generally one offers a tissue here and Erin realizes she forgot to get anything like that just now when she actually needs it. So instead she gets up, retrieves SecUnit's tea, and offers it patiently with her head still turned away, so she's 'looking' off to its right.

"I'm sorry, SecUnit," she repeats, though this time it's out of her human mouth at least and she can express her sympathy, her worry, in her voice.

It takes the cup and takes a small sip. The tea's now cold. That's okay.

"Can...you please grab some toilet paper from the bathroom for me?"

"Yeah, one moment." Erin retrieves the requested supplies, taking some care to walk quietly. She's familiar with SecUnit's cabin in any event, but also just...trying to be soft, be gentle. She offers the toilet paper out with an apologetic look. "I should have thought of tissues when I was getting the tea, they'd be gentler on your face."

"My face doesn't need gentle. I just need..."

You know, to blow its nose, which it does quite cacophonously here in demonstration, before grabbing for its tea again.

"Um...thanks."

Come Sail Away IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

November 23rd, evening

Re: November 23rd, evening

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject